What goes up…

After the 3-week creative high of launching my Etsy store (with some surprisingly [to me] positive initial responses, I might add), I’ve experienced a low: waiting for the paint to dry on my men’s shirts, waiting for my busy husband has time to model them for product shots, catching up on sleep but then lamenting that an afternoon or evening I could’ve been working was spent drooling on a pillow.

Also feeling a bit frustrated in my new city. Many of my artist friends in Austin told me Tucson has a cool scene. I keep looking but I’m not seeing it yet. I know these things take time – it took me 8 years to get the knowledge I had of the art scene and to where I was as an art facilitator in Austin, and even then I had a long way to go – but it’s hard to be patient. And it could be lingering homesickness but I feel like things were finally starting to fall into place around the time I moved and I was starting to hook up with the right people. Although to be perfectly candid, it probably saved my marriage in the long run. I’m not one to figure out where the cool bars and coffee-shops are and hang out until I connect with someone/a group I can collaborate/commiserate with. I just really have to be in the mood for talking, and feeling insecure is definitely not a good vibe to be throwing out there when you’re meeting new people. And I definitely don’t live in a Taliban-style relationship, but my husband wouldn’t tolerate it for long. Seriously, if you’re attached, put the shoe on the other foot: would you be totally cool with your S.O. going out alone and chatting up members of their preferred sex after hours?

The goal with my store is to 1) have fun with my lifelong fashion obsession and 2) to raise money to invest in either musical equpiment or to self-produce a big, wacky art show here in Tucson. Music, I would have to completely re-learn; I’m leaning towards the art show idea at the moment since it’s something I already know how to do. I’ve noticed artistic growth in the last year or so of my role as a facilitator has played more to my strengths than being a creator. (I wonder if it has anything to do with what I wrote about awhile back: there was a certain amount of in-fighting at Pump Project when it was an all-dude affair, but since a few ladies moved into leading roles late in 2006, there’s been much more stability – and thus longevity with an endeavor would’ve otherwise likely folded by early the following year). But as a facilitator, I’m stumbling over the creative concept. Maybe that’s my problem. I’m trying to drive ideas rather than letting them come to me, so they all just seem so sucky. I think forcing things always ends in disaster. If you have to force it, your timing was probably off and it could’ve worked better at another time, or you just weren’t using your strong suit. There is a difference between working at something and forcing it.

Still, I’ve got a couple of plots up my sleeve that I am writing up to see if they work on paper, which I plan on submitting to a couple of spaces here. And even then, they don’t really have to be fully planned out paper. They’re more like a series of thumbnails, or storyboards. Some conversations I’ve had lately tell me that I’m going in a good direction. And, I shudder to admit, but I’m going to make an effort to better, selectively harness the Internet as a venue since for the time being, I’m pretty alone. An interview with a knit artist I read the other day on Etsy has given me resolve: “If you don’t take yourself seriously, then neither will I.”

Leave a Comment